Traveling, I Suck At It.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Have you ever loved something so much, you wanted to do it all the time?
The only problem was that you are horrible at it.
Thats how I feel about Basketball, Ceramics, Cooking, Bowling, and perhaps the most sad of all: Traveling.
Every single time I go anywhere I am plagued by the weirdest ailments you can imagine.
When I was in Japan, I hated all the food, so I was starving. This issue made my jet lag go into over drive, which made me have a case of cotton mouth that was worse than if I had smoked a pound of weed. I seriously couldn't even talk, I couldn't even get my tongue to work.
I have motion sickness, so most road trips are hit or miss. Despite the fact that I love them. This problem is dependent on the driver. If its my mom, I can only go two hours with out a barf stop.
When I was in Hawaii I had a rash behind my ears and on my hands for the majority of the trip. Why, you might ask? Oh, thats because I am allergic to coconut, even though I LOVE coconut. But go on just TRY to avoid it when in Hawaii.
Then there is Mexico. I've been twice. I get sunburned despite using the economy sized sunscreen SPF. I also got that sweet rash again, even though I swear to god there wasn't a coconut in sight. This time was special though because I got like 2nd degree burns on the tops of my feet. Then every time I put some sort of cream on them for relief, the sand would stick to it and then I would have to get it off. Have you ever exfoliated a burn? It's a special kind of pain let me assure you. SO SAD.
And lastly there is the issue common to all trips for me. I have a shy bladder and colon. Seriously the worse you can imagine. It goes into overdrive in San Felipe because the bathrooms are scary, dark, and have no toilet paper. I can go upwards of 5 or more days on a trip with out even being able to think about dropping a deuce.
Its painful, then I get fat and bloated and look pregnant. Creating a scenario where people glare every time I drink a cocktail.
I wish they had Walmart in San Felipe, because its a scientific fact that when I go to Walmart I immediately have to crap. I am not so shy at Wally World because the bathrooms have like 20 stalls, and I love the fact that you become, anonymous when you go in there.
Now I am in California, I am hoping that the next 4 days are full of successful bathroom trips and sun that doesn't scorch.
Wish me luck. Tonight the Grandma-in-law is fixing avocado pie.
A new delicacy for me.
bad traveler in My Life 
Reader Comments (3)
Is that a new sign up at the house in San Felipe? I have a feeling my parents are becoming collectors of signs like that and it kind of makes me sick. Not can't-poop-for-5-days sick, but sick nonetheless.
I agree with Josh. Scarlett lets keep discussions of your fecal or in this case non fecal movements to a minimum. For gods sake your family reads this thing hahahaa
Hey, you need some good drugs when you travel....lomitil, dramamine.....