Everything is just swine.
Thursday, April 30, 2009 
Today I saw a man at Walmart wearing a little white paper mask. At first I marveled at his genius. When I shop there I fight the urge to wear a hazmat suit, gloves, an antibiotic drip, and a condom. Then I realized why he was wearing it, there is a mother shucking pandemic going on. Swine Flu, this bizarre illness that is transferred from Mexican pigs to all of mankind, is potentially at my Walmart.
In an even more bizarre twist of fate, the experts are now worried about the reputation of pigs. They don't want us to stop eating pork. One news cast was actually commenting that because of the misconceptions about this flu several pigs are in danger. In danger of what? All pigs are in fucking danger, people raise them to slaughter and then eat. And now the experts want us to call to start calling the Swine Flu-H1N1, in order to protect the pigs.
I've always wondered how bothersome diseases get their names. Now I know. At one point the Skank Flu was going around and some expert decided to call it Chlymidia in order to protect the skanks. The Whore Flu became Syphilis, and so on. They rename the disease so that us lay folk will become confused and have no one to assign blame to. As a species humans love to assign blame. It makes us feel better. If we are all going to become violently ill from some fucked up inner species virus, then don't take away the pleasure of misguided anger.
Has anyone stopped to consider the possibility that the animals are conspiring against us? First E-Coli, then MAD Cow, after that the Bird Flu, and now the pigs have joined in.
Just saying...
H1N1, WTF, renaming swine flu, swine flu in In The News 
Reader Comments (4)
36,000 Americans die every year from the flu. The Swine flu is Just another fucking bullshit problem caused by the media. They don't have some fucking missing kid or some shit to write about so they have to make a story to debate on their stupid shows.
The complete irresponsibility of the media is one of our country's biggest problems.
You are seriously funny.... this is one of the funniest things ever! KEEP WRITING!!!!!
I just hope there's no "barley & hops flu" that starts sweeping Tap Rooms from coast to coast. Oh wait, it's called "hangovers." Never mind.
Hangovers are the more serious pandemic, I think.