I'm Sorry. Really I am.
Monday, June 1, 2009 Dear Bartender and Staff at unnamed lake bar and grill,
Hi, this is the very drunk blonde in the blue dress from Saturday night. I just wanted to say sorry.
I really have no excuse for what happened. It all started when I decided to drink several bottles of wine. It was OK, because I was out on my parent's houseboat, and had no immediate plans to see the public. Thats when my mother decided it was time to walk the dog to shore to let it crap. Once we got to shore, I saw your restaurant and remembered that you guys have a bidet. There is just something about that hot shot of water up your crack, that I can't get enough of.
But I digress.
When I was done in the bathroom, I walked out, and to my joy you have a full bar. I ran outside to tell my mother the good news, and she had ditched me (apparently my bathroom trip was really long). So I walked back into the bar and ordered a bloody mary. You can tell a lot about a place by ordering a bloody mary. To bad, the assessment doesn't work when you are black eyes drunk.
Since my mother had left me, I decided to make friends at the bar, and order another drink, and then order a hamburger...and then discuss lesbians with a group full of 60 year old male strangers. It was about this time when I think the manager came over, and to avoid getting kicked out I asked her for a job.
Apparently she took pity on me because she handed me a job application, which I could only fill out as far as the address. I told her that I really didn't know what to write, and she said, just write that you have serving experience.
So I did. I think. Anyway, I'm really horrified, and feel bad about getting all those old guys horny.
I can only hope that you will let me back in. I understand if you never allow me at the bar again, but please....
please....
Can I still use the bidet?
xoxo
Scarlette
embarrassment, hot mess, time to lay off the sauce, why? in My Life 
Reader Comments (3)
Devil with a blue dress, blue dress...I can actually empathize more than I would like to with this post. I would also like to extend my apologies to the entire municipality of Ketchum, Idaho for the other weekend.
Hahahhaah. Maybe I should have a Monday Morning Confession Column... Now we are on to something!!!
I'm guessing you're not going to actually go back there and ask for a job?