In Honor of Twilight, The Vamp Dildo
Friday, August 21, 2009 Should we be surprised, really?
I've never seen the movie or read the books. I know you just gasped, then awkwardly felt judged, now you are going to say to me "they are really well written." How do I know this? Because I've got the same reaction every time I tell a Twilight obsessed loved one the shocking news.
I have been turned off from Twilight, since the beginning when every Mom on the soccer scene was talking about it and salivating. At first it peaked my interest since my cousin told me it made her all tingly in her private zones. Then another Mom piped in that they loved the abstinence and virgin theme, immediately after that my eyes glazed over, and I swore never to read such filth.
I mean seriously, vampires that DON'T fuck? Haven't you seen Lost Boys or Interview With a Vampire? Thats what Vampires do best "dickmatize" their victims, give them the best sex session of their lives and then kill them.
The dildo makers at Tantus Direct have figured out a way to cash in on the vampire craze, and help all those Twilight Ho's finally get laid.
Since probably 95% many people who read this probably jack to the guy from twilight with the beehive hair and the cherry chapstick lips (sorry I forgot his name). I decided to include the link, if you click here you can pre-order your very own simulated vampire cock... and here is the product description...
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
Twilight, dildos, finally, obsession in Favorite things, In The News 
Reader Comments (3)
I have fucking seen it all now!!
They should really package and sell this with the books.
Unreal. Honestly, just when I thought marketing for sex toys couldn't get any better, they go and do this, and TOTALLY blow me away. (Metaphorically speaking.)