Frank The Entertainer in A Basement Affair Episode 4: The wilting of an innocent flower.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
So we start out today's Basement Affair with a bikini softball game. (My girl Cathy is BARELY even in this episode...Booooo. Nevertheless, I've committed to covering this show so here I go.)
Cathy and Kerry were the team captains they had to pick their teams. Kerry's team ended up with last pick Ann, as she apparently is the least athletic of the group. Most of them sucked at softball, despite this obvious fact, everyone kept talking about how bad Ann was. Mind you, there were at least 4 other girls who didn't hit a ball...
Side note to Wardrobe Department at VH1: You are a fucked up group of people. Clearly. The outfits from this show "a pair of black booty shorts and a half top/bikini top combo" were not for everyone. I didn't know whether to stare at the camel toe, or the muffin tops. In fact, if I were asked to wear the same combo on TV I would have quit right there. No peen on the planet is worth bearing the ol love handles, if it was for a million bucks~I get it. For a shot at Frank's peen, not so much. I'm not saying that the any of the girls were "fat" per se, but the outfits weren't flattering on 75% of the girls.
Back to the story, the softball game was mildly entertaining in the bottom of the last inning the score was 3-2. Kerry's team had one chance left to win the game....there were two outs and it was up to Ann to get a hit and send some batters home. It seemed highly unlikely ~no one had faith in her, she hadn't hit a ball all day. When alas the fairy Ho-mother swooped down sprinkled some dust on Ann, and on this very VH1 show a Sandlot miracle happened: ANN HIT THE BALL AND DROVE 2 RUNS HOME.
Frank gave Ann MVP...because he was always picked last as a kid too. Now, DAMN IT. DAMN IT TO HELL. Just when I thought I didn't like Frank, there he goes being a good guy, giving Ann a chance even though she isn't all tits and hair and silicone. And despite the fact that she is odd, he likes her. It seems like he really might like her. Ann's team goes on the date.
The date is a trip to Coney Island beach for some wine and easy cheese. Yum. Normally I like to wash down my easy cheese with at little PBR or Zima. Sadly they don't make Zima any more (RIP), and maybe people on the east coast do things differently, who knows? Although Kerry, Ann, Renee, and Felicia, and Dana were on the date Frank only had "alone" time with two of them. He took Ann aside as a reward for being MVP, they had a great time. He went back to the other girls and Renee begged him for alone time. Apparently she wanted to show him her sexy side, instead her crazy side showed again when she started asking him questions such as "What's your fantasy?" "Do you know what the mile high club is?" Frank wasn't turned on, in fact he was sort of mortified. Renee finished this little voyage into her psyche with a tearful phone call to her mother after the date was over...
During Renee's talk with mom, Frank had to face this nagging feeling he had about Jenny. Why? Why didn't it seem like she was attracted to him? Why didn't she want to touch him? Why? Jenny told him the answers to these questions were "because she was shy, and classy." Frank wasn't buying it. NO SHIT? REALLY? Who on god's green earth is going to buy the "I'm a classy innocent, I just happen to be on a Vh1 reality show." Give me a fucking break. So Frank took to the internets, to see if Miss Jenny had any skeletons or in her cyber closet.
She did. Frank apparently found a naked picture of her on the web. This was evidence enough to him that she was full of shit, so after both he and his parents called her out, cussed her out, they threw her out...
I looked for the naked pic... and it's pretty PG maybe PG13:
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