SIS: V DAY D DAY

     I'm not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I'm just not overly romantic. Love scares me.

     That might sound weird coming from a married person, but it does. Love makes people lose their minds.

     Seriously, when I think of the things I've done in the name of "love" it’s embarrassing. So embarrassing, in fact, that I'd rather not elaborate – I was insane not in love.

     But my fear goes deeper than just romantic love; friendly and familial love scares me too. I can't tell you how awkward it is for me to respond when people end their conversations with "love you." My face gets red, my palms sweat, I puke in my mouth a little and I have no good comebacks.

     Given that, perhaps it’s really no surprise that Valentine’s Day is a day I typically like to spend drunk. I think of it as the ultimate gift to myself, and I feel others should spend this day drunk as well.

     Think about it: If everyone got just a little bit tipsy on Valentine’s Day, they’d be a whole lot more truthful with each other. If you ended up being the only one in your office without a giant teddy bear and a dozen roses, who cares? YOU had a buzz by noon! 

     You’d also have no expectation to perform acrobatics later that evening on a bed of roses. You wouldn’t have to wear any undignified love-themed jewelry; you wouldn't have to cook anyone "Valentine's Dinner" or bake "Valentine’s Cake" or wear "Valentine’s Lingerie." YOU’D BE OFF THE HOOK.

     That is, unless you went and did a stupid thing like got married. In that case, you kissed your drunken Valentine's Day plans goodbye.

     Which is a shame.

     But the whole thing is a shame. I just don't see what the celebration is all about. It’s a day when we celebrate the most ambiguous, torturous feeling of all. Hate’s got nothing on love in the mental anguish department. At least one side thinks its right when it comes to hate. With love, who knows?

     Case in point: On Valentine’s Day every person on earth who’s single is looking for love and feeling like crap that they haven’t, or can’t, find it. At the same time, all those people who are dating are wondering, "Am I in love? What if I’m not? What’s wrong with me?” And then those people who are married are like: "Oh my God, this is till death do us part?” It’s infuriating.

     To top it off, this is a holiday that reminds us just how much – or how little – "love" we’ve had in our lives over the previous three months.

     Think about it: It started in November. Did you have some place to go for Thanksgiving? Did you have someone to go with? Why didn't your partner invite you to their house for Thanksgiving? Are you married? Why aren’t you? Whose parents’ house did you have to go to? Who's mom sat crying alone over a giant over-cooked turkey?

     Then there was December and Christmas. Who did you take to the Christmas party? Should you have bought your boy-toy a present? What kind of a gift suggests a "deep caring for someone" but not necessarily love? Are you married? Why not? Was it OK to get your husband just a gift card to Home Depot?  Should you have told your husband what to get you, or should you have let him fail miserably? Ugh.

     Then there was New Years.

     Let’s face it: If you didn't have someone to kiss at midnight you were downright depressed. That’s why all the sudden you found yourself locking lips with the guy from accounting who has a bad case of “backne” and a mild lisp.

     Yeah, yeah, yeah, you knew you shouldn't have gone out with your work friends, but they were the only people you knew who didn't have plans. Well bow you’re going to spend the better part of 2010 terrified about the number cruncher's revenge.

     If you’re married and this scenario seems foreign, don't point fingers: I KNOW WHAT YOU PEOPLE DO ON NEW YEARS.

     I’m one of you now.

     We married people have parties where "kids are allowed" and no one can really have fun because everyone has to drive and some people don't like it when you and your husband dirty dance next to the chip bowl in front of their kids.

     So here we are, it’s February, and we’re coming up on the last of the "couples" holidays (let’s face it, there’s nothing sexy about Easter or St. Patrick's Day). You're expected to come up with a "creative" and "romantic" way to spend February 14, but you find yourself longing for a frosty beverage and HBO.

     Good luck. You’re called upon by corporate America to spend some extra cash to "prove" how much you love each other. Never mind that that’s all Corporate America’s been asking you to do since NOVEMBER.

     I say don't.

     Don't do it. Don't buy the doily cards, candy, balloons, bears, dinners, etc. How about taking yourselves down to your favorite watering hole, getting nice and tipsy, and then letting the chips fall where they may. That’s my idea of a perfect V-DAY!

     Well, on second thought, maybe my view on love – and its evil Valentine's Day cult – is a little negative. I'm sorry for that. I truly hope you all have a great Valentine’s Day weekend, whether you spend it handcrafting Valentine’s treats, or bellied up to the bar.

Cheers, it’s almost over!

Scarlette Quille

Comments

[C]

LOVE YOU!

[JF]

Love it! Couldn't agree more! I live in Yakima and let me tell you that the Hispanic culture seems to love nothing more than Valentine's Day. The best part is the selection from which to chose my Valentine Cards had doubled....half in English and half in Spanish!? What's a girl to do! I have been toying with the idea of only giving Valentines Cards in Spanish to people who I know do not know one Spanish word...just to mess with them! TE AMO!

[Scarlette]

So funny!!! Definitely give out the spanish cards, those are true treasures!!!

[-A- nonymus wanna be ...]

How does a redneck spell valentines day ???

NHRA - Winter Nationals for me and the squeeze

d.d.