Fiddle Dicks.
Sunday, February 7, 2010 I'm kind of a bad driver.
It's who I am.
I go slowly when there is pretty scenery, and I take the corners too sharp. I forget where I am going till after I pass it.... and I have a panic attack EVERY time I have to merge on to a freeway. I am not going to apologize for this.
The very ironic part of this whole scenario is that whenever I get into a situation where another driver commits a crime against me, I lose it. Completely: As in laying on the horn and screaming out things like "What the hell is wrong with you? VAGINA LIPPED FLEA BAG.
I try not to cuss with kids in the car. You know responsible parenting.
I guess I've gone too far though, because today my 9 year old daughter chimed in.
I was cut off on a highway, causing me to have to hit the breaks, "Jack ASS" I screamed as my sternum cracked the steering wheel. My daughter pounded the glass with her fists and added "FIDDLE DICK."
This happened to be the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. After I wiped away my tears the following conversation ensued:
Me: Honey, dick isn't a nice word, actually most people think its a bad word.
Her: What does dick mean?
Me: There is no easy way to say this, it means penis.
(entire backseat full of girls under the age of 10 screaming in horror)
Her (furiously): I told you not to tell me things like this until I'm 16.
Me: Oh, sorry.
(She had warned me about this in a previous conversation when she asked me what a prostitute was....DAMN DATELINE)
FYI: Fiddle Dicks will be on heavy rotation in my vocabulary.
fiddle dicks, funny, kids in My Life 
Reader Comments (5)
Fiddle Dick. That's got to be the title of a porn, or perhaps a heavy metal album, somewhere, somehow. Too funny.
Yeah, I don't know where she comes up with her sayings, for the longest time we couldn't get her to stop saying "ever so". She sounded like some sort of of bizarre romance novel...or British.
She would be like "Mom this Honey Nut Cheerio stuff is ever so good"
Weird kid.
This is the best story. Thanks for the laugh.
This post was ever so funny, had me laughing out loud and Jon thinking I'm a weirdo.
That child is really something else!!!