SIS: FACEBOOK PULLS THROUGH WITH INSIGHT

     I started out writing this week’s column with the intention of giving great advice to all the single people out there. Then it sort of dawned on me that I’ve been out of the game for over a year now. What if something has changed? What if somewhere in the last couple of years exciting advances had been made in the Sandpoint dating pool?

     What if?

     Then I’d be writing an article not only as an annoying married person trying to give advice to single people, but – worse yet – an UNINFORMED married person. Sick and wrong. I promised myself I would NEVER become one of those married people who refer to their own single days as a reference for the currently single.

     Married people who do this:  You know who you are. STOP. The single people don't believe you, don't want to, and no it doesn't matter if every bit of advice you’re giving came from the pages of the most current issue of Cosmo – they see your married status as a hindrance.

     The singletons believe you are married because of a stroke of "good" luck. They will not believe you when you say that it took years of dating, and plucking, and dieting, and going on stupid camping trips, and pretending to like things you hated in order to find "the one." 

     So save your breath. Feel sorry for them, keep setting them up with the perfect date so they can screw it up and embarrass you. Do this because that's what you do when you’re the Married One.

     For this very reason, I decided to conduct some research on the state of the dating scene in Sandpoint. Is there still a negative stigma attached to the experience? Or are all the single people finally embracing their freedom?

     I compiled my research the way most scientists and relationship experts do: Facebook. I figured that if I posted something so controversial, people couldn’t pass it up without commenting. My friends did not disappoint  

     My method was to post an open phrase to which any and all could reply: “Being Single in Sandpoint is like (fill in the blank).” 

    Minutes later I started receiving responses such as those listed – verbatim – below. Read ‘em and weep (or laugh hysterically, depending on where you are in life).

Being Single in Sandpoint is like…

     “A Bobby Brown comeback. Tragic.” – Liz

     “Being single in Sandpoint is the only way to go...have you looked at the dating pool? HA HA just kidding...sorta HA” –Brooke

     “Is a lot like being married in Sandpoint except you can leave the toilet seat up.” – Lenny

     “good because it will save you from alot of diseases.” –Adam

     “Small pickings and never fluctuates beyond a certain number. People can move in and out of the pool, but apparently there’s an official quota of unattached citizens, possibly set by the bartenders at Eichhardt's or perhaps the wine bar to appropriately limit morose drinking. Of course, everyone in this pool has already dated you, your best friend, and occasionally sleeps with your neighbor.” –Donna

     “is better than being married to an a**hole in Sandpoint!” –Robin

     “Being unemployed, you miss out on some of the perks and benefits, but the only sh*t you have to put up with is your own.” – Charis

     “Fishing with no fishing pole” – Tamara

     “is like watching reruns of my own life....” – Dave

     “biting into a raw piece of chicken!” – Dannielle

     My conclusion: being Single in Sandpoint hasn’t drastically changed since my tenure ended. There is, and has been, a marked dissatisfaction with the dating pool of our lovely town. Were any of you surprised?

     Being single in a small town has its challenges, as does being single in a city, or a village. We are so quick to blame our loneliness on geography, when in fact the place you live is only as small as you make it.

     If you decide to hole up in your house all the time and maintain relationships only of the cyber variety, what do you expect? If you keep refusing to attend that annoying-person-at-work’s barbecues and theme parties, they’ll soon stop inviting you. You’ll have missed out on meeting REAL people, with REAL laughter and REAL booze.

     In every invitation there’s an opportunity; you’re the person who ultimately decides whether or not to pass it up. Happiness is ultimately a choice. Amen.

      (Thus concludes the sermon portion of this week’s column.) 

      Finally, we have an early spring situation this year:  mating season will start early. The early bird gets the worm, right? Now get out there and flaunt your plumage.

Remembering a time when I got to eat ALL THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES, ALONE,

Scarlette Quille

Comments

[John McLellan]

There's some funny stuff in there. And you're dead right about a town is "only as small as you make it." So true.

[Aub]

You do make single life sound sucky ... I think there's a small band of undateable, socially-awkward, uber-annoying and smelly people that go around ruining the dating scene, why else would singles hate dating so much? People should have to fill out an application and be issued a license to date. Then again, people who date have stories, ridiculously funny ones.

My final take: Dating helps lower one's standards.