Frank The Entertainer in A Basement Affair Episode 10: Cougar Eats Her Young

Well I'm going to be succinct this week, as you all know I was pissed at Frank last episode for appearing to be a jerk to Cathy.

Cathy is my favorite. This is not just because I know her, it is also because she appears to be one girl on the show that isn't trying to be fake in order to impress the Maresca's. I like Kerry and Felicia, but I feel like Cathy could hold her own with Frank. I also think that Frank has always liked Cathy the best, otherwise why would he keep her around when she hasn't even won a challenge.

Maybe she loses the challenges on purpose so that no one would know that secretly Frank always liked her best? Maybe? I have so many theories.

Anyway, this weeks episode was dedicated to meeting the parents. 

Felicia's parents were older and nice. Frank discovered through meeting them that Felicia hides things from them. Big deal? Right. Apparently Frank thinks you should tell your parents everything. Clearly this man knows nothing about being a parent...sometimes we WISH our kids wouldn't tell us things.

Kerry's Mom was super sweet. She told Frank that Kerry was sad when she divorced Kerry's father, and she doesn't really talk to her Dad. Who cares? Well apparently Frank thinks that it means that she has Daddy issues. Again, totally bizarre most people are pissed when their parents divorce~is that worse than the issues he has with his Mom? 

Cathy's sister was great. Frank was pissed her parents didn't come. Why? I know a LOT of parents who wouldn't be caught dead on a reality show. They must have been able to explain it to him, because in the end he didn't seem to concerned.

Dana's mom. Hmmm. How do I put this in words? They kept calling her a cougar, and Frank kept hitting on her. It was the weirdest thing, because dang if Frank thinks that was a hot cougar, then the cougar population in the East must be severely inbred or something. I mean you can't even call yourself a cougar on the west coast with out fake tits, an ass you can crack nuts with, and a Coach purse full of K-Y and Adderal. I'm not making snap judgements but Dana's mom didn't strike me as the type that pulls a lot of top notch young peen. However;  Dana's Mom succeeded in making Frank forget that Dana even existed, so clearly I didn't see something he did.

So when elimination came around. Frank finally gave Cathy the first key, and sent Dana home to the den. Here is a picture of Dana's mother getting ready for the kill. Good bye Dana.

Frank The Entertainer in A Basement Affair Episode 1

OK, so as you know I'm going to be recapping "A Basement Affair" on VH1. My castmate from ISAJGS: Cathy is on it, I think it will be funny. So probably every sunday night for the next 9 weeks or something...I will post about this show.

The show is another VH1 version of the Bachelor, everyone knows that VH1 dating shows are far more interesting than the ones on ABC...due to the fact that there are more sluts, possible fist fights, and the nagging fear that someone may contract crabs. Oh,  and the comedic possibilities are endless because a VH1 "bachelor" is usually a D-List celebrity and the contestants fail to understand this crucial point at every turn.  If you want more details on this show consult VH1 or my original post:HERE.

A cast photo for reference, and then I will begin:

So we start out the show, and Frank and his parents are living at their house. Frank lives in the basement, his parents are ashamed that at 30 something, he is still on the tit.  At least there are two people on this show that seem to be in their right mind. The ladies show up, and they are all.. sort of surprised I suppose that they won't be getting shit faced and pole dancing in some random mansion. Instead they will be living with Frank's parents and following rules....etc.

The first thing they have to do is meet Frank and his parents and take a family picture with them.  In a nutshell the girls all seemed to be from the New York or Chicago area... and brunette. There was one blonde but she was Asian and I feel like that somehow made it OK, I don't think Frank likes blondes. Or maybe we don't like him? Food for thought.

Surprisingly the girls were far less slutty than the average VH1 show, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not. During this little get-to-know-your-future-possible-daughter-in-law-wife-fuck buddy/ whatever a few girls stood out. The first girl to shock me was Ann. She appeared completely miss-casted as she did not have "the look" the other girls had, meaning she had really weird chopped "art school" bangs and the MOST HORRIFYING flowered stretch pants I HAVE EVER SEEN. They were high waisted and had flowers on them, and she had a crop top on too. I started getting the sensation of vomit and a headache all at once. Then she spoke and she was so nice, so normal. It made me feel like a straight bitch. Frank was like "she's not really my type" and I felt bad for her. Even his parents recognized that something was really fucking terribly off about her outfit.Anne From " A Basement Affair"

This is her bio-pic from VH1, maybe she is just comforted by the high waisted pant... Maybe? Regardless, I can't look out her with out thinking of the sitcom Blossom. 

At some point it was Cathy's turn, and um... she was talking and talking, and then talking. And all Frank and his parents could say about her was that she talked too much. Fair enough, but if you only had like 3 minutes to meet someone and their family, well maybe you'd try to fit in a lot of info too right? Cathy can do no wrong in my book.... I'm also betting a good sum of money that she is the girl that puts "Vodka" in the water bottle on next week's episode. I feel like a proud mother. Now tell me that Vodka was Grey Goose, and I might actually weep tears of joy.

Anyway, other notable characters were Mandy, who looked about 40 and had the worse Juvederm I've ever seen. Mandy pissed the Mom off right away, and their hatred for  each other is likely to be a main story line of the show.  She lives in her parents attic, and I'm fairly sure she moonlights as a bar fly smoking no less than two packs of Marlboro reds a day. Also, please look at the cast picture above. NO ONE is standing by her, they all sense that she is a freak. Predictably Frank keeps her. One can only presume this is to insure the  drama stays high. 

The show was really sort of uneventful, too early to really hate any of them, and also too early for any really good drama.

In the end, Frank sent a weird "model" who might have been an android home, and the nice girl from Chicago.  The nice girl never stood a chance, I seriously think that she might have been a virgin or something, as unlikely as that is on VH1. 

Good bye model good bye nice girl.

 

Frank The Entertainer in A Basement Affair

Ok, so my life was sort of getting FUCKING BORING. You know for some reason all my shows take the like 2 months off for the HOLIDAYS. It's not right.  Serriously you are married, rich, and get to suck face with PATRICK DEMSEY as a JOB.....besides that you don't have to work for like what? 7 months out of the year or something, and during that time people spontaneously orgasm and bow down at the mere site of you. Meanwhile you are constantly serving us all a hot steaming pile of "I wish I wasn't so FAMOUS." F-that. I MEAN F-THAT SO HARD.Sorry I just had to get that off my chest. Nothing pisses me off more than bad TV in the winter months. 

Anyway, all that is about to change because the folks at VH1 have come out with a new show, and  GUESS WHAT? One of my castmates from I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW SEASON 1 is in it. CATHY... Cathy Nardone for those of who don't give a shit about ISAJGS. Cathy is pretty hilarious in the previews for this new show, and I am excited to watch this season. I tend to blog better when I am invested, since I like her and know her... She will be my favorite. Thats how I roll... This is Cathy:

The new show is  Frank The Entertainer A Basement Affair. Which seems to be the longest name in the history of all reality shows but, whatever. The show follows "Frank the Entertainer" (in case you aren't a reality tv obsessed person he was on I Love Money a couple of times and I Love New York) on a quest to find true love. The kind of TRUE LOVE that will lift him up from the bowels of his parents basement, and onto somewhere else perhaps with windows?

I feel really conflicted, this is because I don't really like him that much. Sure I think he has a pair of pecks that are begging to be stroked, and I am a fool for a bald head. But he lives with his parents... and even if its just for TV that's a deal breaker. So do I want Cathy to win? That is the question? Would she really be a "winner" if she ends up with him? Not sure. I suppose I want her to stay on the show long enough to get some publicity, but not long enough to exchange fluids or get attached. 

I'm hoping that I start to see "Frank" in a new light after this show, maybe I can like him. I just can't imagine making out with someone who made out with Buck Wild, who made out with Flavor Flav... who has probably bankrupted a few free clinics in his day.... just saying.

Good Luck Cathy, not sure what that means, but good luck.

I will be covering A Basement Affair on my blog, the season premiere is Jan 3 on VH1.