Its getting warm....are you getting desperate?

I am.

Today I went to Wal-Marche in search of a magic pill to melt of the 15 pounds of lard I've gained since last summer.  I think we all know how this story ends right? 

Me in the fetal position licking the spicy cheese of an entire bag of flaming hot cheetos.

Last year I had the same problem, so I decided to try the FDA approved weightloss supplement Ali.  If only I had waited a year. I would have never tried it. A year ago Wynnona Judd was not the spokesperson. I'm not trying to be rude, but she looks exactly the same as she always has. So I'm inclined to believe that the product doesn't work.

The only weight I lost was that which I deposited into the toilet every 45 minutes or so.  The package says something like "oily stool may be a side effect". What it should say is that:

When you take this product, you will shit constantly with out warning. Your guts will feel like you are in the early stages of labor. You shouldn't take this product if you live or work with other people. You will feel the need to drag your ass across the floor like a dog, often. Resisting this urge will become more difficult with frequent use.

With that graphic memory still floating around in my head I skipped the magic pill section I decided to just buy some wrist weights, maybe having well-toned arms will offset my muffin top... I don't know.

For those of you in the same place as I am this spring, good luck you are not alone. Somewhere Wynnona is sitting on a toilet waiting for the magic to start.