Evil Pussy On a Murderous Rampage...

Since his near death experience, Evil Pussy has been keeping a rather low profile. Sure he is still evil, but more subdued like he found the lord or something....

Until today....

I woke up this morning, late as usual. I realized that I had 13 minutes to get a kid to swim practice, we live 15 minutes away from the pool, and all three of my kids were asleep. So I ran in their room and screamed "the house is on fire" grab your swimming suit and head to the car".

It was at this point I realized my cell phone was missing. I searched frantically perhaps even hysterically,  since it is a widely known fact that it is impossible to leave the house with out a cell phone. So I ran out the front door barefoot like the hillbilly I am,  to see if I left the phone in the car.

Upon my barefoot hitting the second porch step I felt a squishing sensation. It wasn't crispy like a bug, or spreadable like shit, it was gooey and very wet. I looked down to see that I had stepped on the entrails of some small animal... which is disgusting. I puked in my mouth ever so slightly. 

As I looked around, I realized that Evil pussy had killed and dissected no less than 4 small creatures and left them in a sacrificial pattern on my front porch.

I started hopping around alternating gagging with fear.  A crippling fear that occurs when you realize that there is a possibility that you may have tape worms or something...just then my kids came flying out the front door. The oldest two gazelles smashed several sets of guts under their flip flops with out so much as a second glance. I remained standing on one foot horrified, as I tried to bounce through a land mine of guts to the hose.

I SCREAMED DON'T GET INTO THE CAR. STOP. The idea of residual guts baking in my black vehicle for the next several days, hampered my will to live.

Then I heard it. The wail of the last born child  "MOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEE there is blood, there is a mouse head on my shoe.

Cue sobbing. The kind of sobbing that occurs when you have the severed skull of a rodent stuck to your Hannah Montana flip flop. 

We held each other as I hosed our feet down and sang her  "The Crying Game". I sing this song every time I feel dirty and exploited.

The other two heathens scraped the guts off with sticks, and got in the car like nothing had happened.

I looked across the pavement to see Evil Pussy smiling and licking his paws. Whoever said that cats bring their kill to our doorsteps as a present is full of shit.

They bring the guts to our doors because they are pissed that we made them get their own food and sleep outside.