Show Me Your Cubes

Today's post was made possible by a reader who went deep undercover at her office, (like  Prime Time with John Quinones). Her mission was to photograph a variety of cubicles so that we have photographic evidence of the effect working in Corporate America has on the average person.

It should come as no surprise that sitting in a small grey space all day listening to the same person clear their throat 5 to 6 times in an hour can cause great feelings of hostility. Other days cube life can make you wish that you would have gotten your hair license or some shit. If you would've gone the "trade" route you wouldn't have student loans and that ass kissing FREAK SHOW to deal with everyday...

WOW, Where did that come from? Somebody needs to take their "lay off" meds...

Back to the point at hand, lets play my favorite game: CUBICLE PROFILING

 THE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE CUBE

I would say that the resident of this cube is male, early 30's maybe younger (he hasn't forgotten his college days yet) but he does work in a cube which to me suggests someone over the age of  25. I'm guessing he is single, and desperately needs to get laid (Does that sound mean?. If he does have a significant other that person is "a work in progress"(doesn't alphabetize their cupboards) that is why there is no picture of him/her on the desk top.

He is severely OCD and has no personal items on his desk, probably because he doesn't want anyone at work to know that he collects porcelain dolls or something. Everyone in the office finds his OCD hilarious, and thats why they buy him the "cute" little gifts like the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure, he displays the figure so that his co-workers think that he has a sense of humor, but he resents the fact that the gift is cluttering his near perfect space.

 He spends a good portion of the day "cleaning" up after the women that he works with, whether it be work flow related or in the break room. That is why they thought it would be funny to make him that little sign reminding him how much he actually hates them...

Show Me Your Cubes!!!

Today I received this image of an “officle”  attached with the following email:

“I know, it's not a cube, but I might get laid off, so that should average out.

The award in the background is for healing the deaf!

Unfortunately *my child’s* artwork is on the opposite wall.  It really completes my exquisite décor :)”

Now its time for a game that I’d like to call office profiling:  I look at the picture and make random assumptions about the person who sits at this desk.

~The 4 or more drinking receptacles suggest that this cubical dweller knows how important staying hydrated is, perhaps he is also aware that thirst is a great excuse to leave your cubical in search of something better to do.

~The running shoes right next to the desk, this suggests a couple of things: either Mr. Officle is actually using these shoes to run, wants his co-workers to think that he runs or he is keeping them close by just in case an escape out the window becomes necessary.

~Picture of Bikini Babe next to lots of drinks: Mr. Officle has a hot wife, and he wants YOU little miss “intern” to keep  your fake hair and shrill laugh far, far away.

~The window seat, Mr. Officle makes more money than I do. You can always tell an office workers importance by their desks proximity to the window. For example the coat room and the toilet are closer to a window than I am at my job...you do the math.

It  is my belief  that this man is married, early 30’s, possibly athletic, probably not thirsty,  and gets to shut his doors when his annoying co-workers blab for 45 minutes straight.
LUCKY!!!

Thank you for the email MR. OFFICLE!!!

If you would like me to profile your cube or one of your co-workers, feel free to email me at scarlettequille@gmail.com!

Show Me Your Cubes!!

I received the following email today:

"It is totally sunny here today...and I am stuck in my cube...it sucks. I am no where near a window - it has been months since I have had any natural vitamin D and the damn people with window seats - I must say a Cadillac in the cube world...(only 2 cardboard walls and one structural wall with a window) insist on keeping their window shade drawn because "its TOOOO bright"  Fricken MOOOOVE  under appreciative misers...

I just had to get that off of my chest."

To which I responded: SHOW ME YOUR CUBES...

She quickly sent the following:

"This is my cube, and the other pic is the view s standing up looking at the closest windows - notice the shades drawn...bastards. "

This email gave me a little idea. Why don't I  start a little section in my blog: you the readers send me a picture of your cube, and a little something that you want to get off your chest, and I will post.

PLEASE if you have a co-worker with an exceptionally blogworthy cube, send me the picture..

I will keep you anonymous.

Send submissions to scarlettequille@gmail.com and please use the subject line "cubes"

thanks!!!