The Best Sex Is...

I realize the formatting on this post is whacked. So, Grammar Police, kindly fuck off.

So one of my readers wrote me this email. I'm not sure if he was Ok with me giving out his name so I am going to leave his post anonymous, unless he requests otherwise. The question he is posing for all of you who read this blog is when do you have the best "hook up" sex? 

"Ok Scarlette, having worked many, many weddings and corporate parties, I have a theory about hook up sex with strangers, acquaintances, and even ones lover.  This theory has been tested time and time again by me as well as by friends of mine both male and female, 
and everyone one I've told this theory to agrees.  It's time to bounce this theory off of 
you and see if we can turn this hair brained theory into scientific law.  Here goes.

You have the best hook up sex of your life when you're at weddings or other types of 
formal parties, not bars or house parties.

Why?  Lots of reasons.  Here I go.

One, you're not dealing with loud, smokey bars and lots of drunks.

Two, everyone is dressed up pretty damn pimp.  Women have nicer makeup on and nails done, and dudes are all clean shaven.

Three, people are generally in a good mood for a reason (ie-celebrating something, as 
opposed to just "another night out on the town").  The magic of "everyone in a good mood" is damn powerful.

Four, those parties are usually in cooler locations (ie-weddings in the woods, or parties in nicely decorated banquet rooms, as opposed to sticky bars with neon signs).

Five, everyone is always drinking wine.  Sure, there's beer, but wine just makes people want to take off clothing and get some skin on skin.  Yes, hard liquor makes folks wanna get naked too, but it's different.  You wanna bone and get raw when you're boozing.  With wine, you want naked skin on skin for hours, not just a quick "get me off" thrill like you want with booze.

Lastly, those kinds of parties always end at 10pm or 11pm.  Rarely do they go to 
midnight.  It's simply more difficult to find the energy to go get laid at 2am when 
you've been pounding swill.  When it's 11pm and you've had three glasses of wine, there's 
plenty of time and energy left in the night to get it on.

Even as a married man, my wife and I always seem to have the best alone time after cool events like weddings, company parties, etc.  Sure, you'll always have exceptions (like the, "there was this one time in Vegas..." type stories) but in general, this theory has been proven time and again to be true.  I guess you can't really call it "hook up" sex when it's someone you are committed to, but the gist still works.  The "after 
wedding/company party sex" is almost always better than normal sex (unadventurous), 
vacation sex (tired from traveling) or camping sex (everyone stinks from not showering).
Thoughts? " 

Well I agree on some level... 

After bar sex is ridiculous. Doesn't matter if you are married or hooking up. Getting really shit-faced and then trying to whip out all of your best moves, can end in injury. I know this from personal experience. On one particular evening when my husband and I were dating and I drank about 10 red bull and vodkas, I took a backwards fall off of a very high bed spraining my wrist. Ouch. I am not allowed to talk about any of the other injuries that have incurred because I will find myself single again if I do.

Anyways, I like to pass out after a quality evening full of vodka and dancing. I leave it all on the dance floor... I would rather go to taco bell then take a ride on the peen express after a long night at drinking. 

I have mixed feelings about the Wedding and Corporate Event Sex. The wedding hook up is dicey because people know you. Friends and family will ask you why you disappeared with the groom's sister or cousin etc..so if you are going to hook up it has to be really sneaky separate cabs/motel rooms. Otherwise everyone will know your business.

The corporate event sex, um this too can end badly when you go to work on monday. It can end REALLY badly when one of the parties happens to be married to someone not involved in the sex. This occurred at two separate places that I was employed, in both cases I was not one of the sexers, but I was in the awkward position of knowing that it occurred.

One of the instances is too recent to discuss...the other though was about 5 years ago when I lived in Boise. I remember thinking it was so nice of these two co-workers to drive me home. I went straight to bed. About an hour later I woke up and went to get a drink. There was the married mormon man and a younger nurse using some kama sutra moves on my couch, I wanted to barf, die, and laugh. It was unbearable. I don't know if it would have been better if they were doing it missionary style, but he had her in some sort of wheel barrow position, and it was something I wish I hadn't seen. I wanted to burn my eyeballs out of the socket.

However; I do agree with the notion that the actual sex taking place after these events is superior. Married or not. I mean, that fancy wheel barrow move, would have been impossible had they been drinking booze at the bar all night instead of wine and champagne at the company party.

I have a little bit to add to the reader's theory though: I think the sex is of a finer quality at these types of events, because the food and drinks are free. I mean, there is no pressure to put out after an expensive dinner or a few rounds of drinks. Its all FREE. No one is worried about the tab, and not paying the electric bill. It makes people giddy and punch drunk when they get free shit. It also allows you to spend more money on your grooming and outfits... Personally all the free food and drinks mixed with a new pair of shoes is enough to send me into a some sort of hedonistic trance. So, yes I agree with this theory on some level. 

So, readers its time for you to weigh in...Where and when does the best sex occur? Do you agree with the readers theory? Comment...it's Tuesday and we have to get through the week somehow.