Well I'm going to be succinct this week, as you all know I was pissed at Frank last episode for appearing to be a jerk to Cathy.

Cathy is my favorite. This is not just because I know her, it is also because she appears to be one girl on the show that isn't trying to be fake in order to impress the Maresca's. I like Kerry and Felicia, but I feel like Cathy could hold her own with Frank. I also think that Frank has always liked Cathy the best, otherwise why would he keep her around when she hasn't even won a challenge.

Maybe she loses the challenges on purpose so that no one would know that secretly Frank always liked her best? Maybe? I have so many theories.

Anyway, this weeks episode was dedicated to meeting the parents. 

Felicia's parents were older and nice. Frank discovered through meeting them that Felicia hides things from them. Big deal? Right. Apparently Frank thinks you should tell your parents everything. Clearly this man knows nothing about being a parent...sometimes we WISH our kids wouldn't tell us things.

Kerry's Mom was super sweet. She told Frank that Kerry was sad when she divorced Kerry's father, and she doesn't really talk to her Dad. Who cares? Well apparently Frank thinks that it means that she has Daddy issues. Again, totally bizarre most people are pissed when their parents divorce~is that worse than the issues he has with his Mom? 

Cathy's sister was great. Frank was pissed her parents didn't come. Why? I know a LOT of parents who wouldn't be caught dead on a reality show. They must have been able to explain it to him, because in the end he didn't seem to concerned.

Dana's mom. Hmmm. How do I put this in words? They kept calling her a cougar, and Frank kept hitting on her. It was the weirdest thing, because dang if Frank thinks that was a hot cougar, then the cougar population in the East must be severely inbred or something. I mean you can't even call yourself a cougar on the west coast with out fake tits, an ass you can crack nuts with, and a Coach purse full of K-Y and Adderal. I'm not making snap judgements but Dana's mom didn't strike me as the type that pulls a lot of top notch young peen. However;  Dana's Mom succeeded in making Frank forget that Dana even existed, so clearly I didn't see something he did.

So when elimination came around. Frank finally gave Cathy the first key, and sent Dana home to the den. Here is a picture of Dana's mother getting ready for the kill. Good bye Dana.

The Crushing Crusher Gets Crushed.

Note: Sorry to all of you who follow this blog, the last two weeks have required me to wake up at a the ungoldy hour of 4:30 AM on Monday mornings, and just the THOUGHT of waking up that early ruins my entire Sunday. NEVER FEAR though, the torture ended today. And I will be covering the remainder of the episodes in a prompt manner.

OK, so because I didn't post last week, it is important  to know two things:

1. Annie, the strange artist that looks like Blossom, got sent home last week. Why? Because she did an ex rated rap... Apparently Frank and his family have issues with any body but Frank being a pervert.

2. Dana is the new Cuntess of Cuntington on the show. As she completely lost her shit on Melody because Melody doesn't kiss her ass enough.  Also, I'm not sure if they are just editing the shiz out of her conversations with her mother. But it sounds like this mother daughter duo have possibly starred on Jerry Springer....Dana is a complete bitch when Frank and his parents are not around. The other contestants have diagnosed her as having an anger issues.

So now that you are caught up. Episode 8 starts out with a challenge. The girls have to write a "screen play" of what their lives with Frank would be like.

 

This was kind of a dumb challenge. In a nutshell the challenge was based on a game we all played as children. Remember when you were a kid and your extended family all got together? You and your cousins bored to tears, and long before the days of the Nintendo DS, were forced to use your imaginations. Typically this leads to making up plays in a desperate attempt to captivate adult attention. During the performance of these plays the adults all sit and politely watch~knowing that applauding and cheering too hard will just encourage more plays, but ignoring them all together may cause damage to young fragile psyche's... but deep inside the parents are wishing they were at the bottom of a bottle of grey goose...maybe that's just me. Ahem. Regardless, this is the general tone of the challenge. Frank's parent's sit in polite torment as they watch their son's poorly planned and imaginary futures unfold.

Anyway, Melissa the Crusher (if you don't recall her special talent is crushing beer cans between her boobs) tries to be funny by making her play about insane family dynamics and out of control children~it scares Frank and irritates his parents. The other plays were pretty dull~ EXCEPT FOR MY GIRL CATHY'S. Cathy took her play to a another place as she decided to concentrate on her and Frank's love life. By the looks of it, Frank and Cathy will spend their days and nights in the bedroom. GOOD CALL CATHY. Everyone knows that a smart potential wife entraps her prey husband, with masterful sex skills.  Seriously what dude wouldn't want to see a future full of sex with a hot chick?

However, Frank seemed to think Kerry's version of the future was the most um, I don't know. I think he just wanted to take her on a solo date. Her play seemed sort of ass kissy to me. Sorry. Anyway, their date was pretty boring, and their conversation wasn't exactly what I would call deep or lively... 

Back at the house Dana continued to verbally assault Melody at every chance. Even going as far as to question her ability to have children at her advanced age of 35, in front of Frank's parents. Now, Dana, seriously? You think 35 is an old lady? FRANKS IN HIS 30's, for one thing and um, in case you haven't noticed people are having children well into their 40's these days. THEY CAN GET A MAN PREGNANT for GOD SAKES, I'm sure 35 year old woman won't have that much trouble. GROW UP. All the contestants are sick of her and her stank attitude. 

When eliminations come around. Frank takes a poll, asks all of the girls who they think should go home...everyone says Dana, except Dana and Melissa.  Dana of course says Melody, and Melissa in a stupid attempt to be neutral says Felicia?! Now Melissa, you've been playing all sides, talking secret shit, starting fights....this is going to bite you in the crushers. And of course, it does.

Its down to Melissa and Dana for eliminations and Frank essentially keeps Dana around for ratings. I don't think he was ever attracted to Melissa...and he claims to think Dana is hot, honestly I doubt he's interested in either one of them. 

So the crusher is sent back to Minnesota. 

Good Bye Crusher, find yourself a nice pabst swilling country boy. Ya'll would be so much happier together!