OCTOMOM, Once a "Topless" Dancer

I am ashamed to be writing this post, I swear I am, but the journalistic power house that is the National Enquirer is reporting that Octomom was once a topless dancer. According to a friend of Octo, Octo said "I had not even kissed a boy. But I entered a dance/lingerie contest in a club near my home. I danced and paraded in lingerie. Then, when I was 19, I went to a gentleman's club and performed as a topless dancer. But I only did it one night. I quit when I found out I was expected to perform lap dances on the customers."

Hmmm... I've always been fond of the National Enquirer, my dear brave Grandma was a life time subscriber. I tend to think that their reports are at least 25% accurate. So by "Friend" they meant someone who once sat in line behind Octo  at the invitro clinic. And by topless dancer they meant day shift stripper.

The part I think is true, is that she never kissed a boy and that she refused to give lap dances. This is because the possibility of her kissing anyone besides the paparazzi and Dr. Phil seems highly unlikely. And lap dancing is way too close to sex, and we all know that she doesn't believe in sex. Why waste the time having sex, when you can have invitro and have 8 babies at time, and then become famous for it.

And lets be real, what "would" her pick up line be? Hi, I would like to populate the earth with thousands of children that I in no way can take care of or afford. I plan on using the money I get from tabloids for being such an irresponsible freak to raise them. Now would you please jizz in a cup so we can get this party started?"