LAY-OFF LIST

1. Ride a mechanical bull.

2. Be a groupie and get a backstage pass. (not the slutty kind, just the kind that loves the music)

3. Go camping, real camping.

4. Get tattoo

5. Take road trip.

6. Go skinny dipping.

7. Write that book.

8. Take over a dive bar.

9. Participate in open mic night.

10. Find a job, that I love.

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Entries in omg (5)

Tuesday
Jun292010

DAGGERING~Penises everywhere protest

I kept hearing about this new "dance craze" this weekend. OVER and OVER. And then my Dad even mentioned something about "daggering" and so I had to go and see what this was about. There is nothing I detest more than being on the outside of an inside joke. So I youtubed "daggering" and honestly some of it was so graphic I opted not to post it...so you can imagine given my track record what it was like. I found this video, which gets the point across. 

OMG, ouch.

Now I'm no dude, but I do know a thing or two about penis fractures. This seems like a sure fire way to straight break your willy.  Lets say you wanted to go home and have normal sex after a night of clubbing? You would have to hire a stunt penis because yours would clearly be crushed to a pulp. I refuse to believe that this could feel good? Maybe they don't have penises or maybe they are wearing special daggering cups.

Now on to the girls. I've always sort of though that plus size women who wear bikinis in public/to the bars were fucking nuts anyway. My WASP upbringing taught me to be ashamed of my body, only perfect people and or sluts are allowed to show bare skin. So the site of a jiggly woman in a bikini getting fake hate humped on the dance floor doesn't seem to far out of the realm of reality, its just something that I can't do. You know like a cat swimming, they could in a life or death situation but it is ingrained in their DNA not too. I know I have issues

That said, if you see anyone daggering please video it and send it to me. I am now obsessed with seeing it in real life.

Friday
Feb192010

Have you ever had this kind of acid trip?

Thanks to Aimee for sending me this glorious link!!!!

Tuesday
Jan052010

X-RATED PUPPET ACTION

I feel so dirty after watching this. I mean, borderline disgusting. However; it was REALLY funny, I mean I had snot bubbles. 

I really love how the puppets are so THUG.

LOVE IT.

You need to watch it. If you are at work put on some headphones and maybe watch it small.

If you aren't at work pump up the jam.

Friday
Dec182009

Drunk Cross-Dressing 4 Year Old Who Stole Christmas....

This video, this story, this Mom. Where do I start? Who hasn't stumbled down the block wearing a dress drinking a bud light? Thats a Christmas tradition for people all over America. Usually it starts sometime in college when you realize that your boobs have started sagging, and you have to work for money... but  this poor little guy has been dealt a bad hand.

Dads in prison. Mother's insane or as dumb as a box of rocks maybe both. Clearly. I mean she wonder's how the kid knew how to open a Bud Light. First of all, Bud Lights are twist tops.  All the kid had to do was twist the top. I'm pretty sure he's seen it done a few times.  And  how sad is it that he would rather start a life of crime then spend Christmas with his mother? I mean everyone has considered it a time or two, but to actually follow through at the age of 4? That's unreal.

For the record though, I knew how to open a bottle of beer by the time I was 2 and I was tapping kegs at 6 TRUE STORY. Here's the photographic proof:

My parents didn't let me drink the beer. But I was a better bartender than most before I hit Junior High. You can say whatever you want, but my parents were ahead of their time. It was basically like going to a vocational school. Some kids graduate high school with a Medical Assistant degree or Mechanic, whatever.... I graduated with an associates in bar tending. 

And I turned out OK right?

Well, here's to you little 4 year old, lay off the booze learn how to read and write, it's the only way your going to make it out of there!!!

Friday
Dec112009

Sneak Peak....

So I took pictures at the Sarah Palin book signing last night. I've done a lot of assignment photography this week and I am so wiped out! I plan on writing a post about this experience, but for now I will just give you a couple of images so that you may check out the scene!!!!!!