Brett Michaels and Our Inexplicable connection

Ok, so I am not going to lie, I occasionally make fun of Bret Michaels for his acts of unabashed whoring, but make no mistake about this...I do it out of love. I have loved the man since I was twelve years old. A world with out Bret Michaels seems almost unbearable to me, he is one of the last of a dying breed of hairband greats that shaped my formative Jr. High years. 

What makes him stand out more for me is that I have had a lot of firsts courtesy of Bret Michaels.

1. First Concert: Poison was opening for David Lee Roth, My mom loved David Lee Roth, I liked Dave but I was especially excited to see Poison as they were newer and more exotic and elusive in my 6th grade mind. My mother took me to the concert, and that is where we started a long tradition of my mother taking me to hair band concerts, subsequently losing her mind, and perhaps leaving me to get a contact high while she rushed the stage. It was pure magic. I wore my concert T-Shirt Everyday for two years. Seriously just about.

2. First Groping At a Dance: You know when you are slow dancing at a school dance and the hands of your partner find the way to cupping your ass cheeks? I had this experience for the first time at the end of eigth grade during "Every Rose Has It's Thorn". The groper's name shall remain anonymous due to the fact that his wife will become enraged if I even hint at it. I mean, there were people who attempted to grope before and plenty after, but with Bret crooning in the background it was easy to pretend that the groper's hands were his and I got magically lost in the moment.

3. First Playgirl Magazine Reading: Truthfully I think it was my first and last reading of playgirl, but I digress. I was babysitting for a cousin of mine. Babysitting in Junior High and High School for me meant snooping through my clients belongings to see what kind of kinky pervs they were. Sure enough I found a playgirl with Bret on the front, and immediately called everyone of my friends in the area to ride their bikes over so we could read it. Bret was a hot piece then, and my exposure to the sight of naked men was fairly limited, in truth I preferred my pictures out of Tiger Beat to the nudes. However, the viewing of a playgirl did raise my social status slightly.

4. The first VH1 show I loved to hate. I have watched every episode of ever Rock of Love, and even though I feel dirty and cheap afterwards, I still always hope that Bret finds true love. Those shows are some of the best on TV. Where else can you see a blurred out piece of footage of one groupie taking a shot out of another's chocha...nevermind don't answer that~the point is Rock of Love let us know just how far a slut is willing to go for piece of Bret and/or 15 minutes of fame. Before this show, I hated VH1 shows. Now I watch several, Rock of Love is the gateway drug to bad TV. Thanks Bret.

In short, I need you to get better Bret, you are an American treasure, and I love Celebrity Apprentice.