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1. Ride a mechanical bull.

2. Be a groupie and get a backstage pass. (not the slutty kind, just the kind that loves the music)

3. Go camping, real camping.

4. Get tattoo

5. Take road trip.

6. Go skinny dipping.

7. Write that book.

8. Take over a dive bar.

9. Participate in open mic night.

10. Find a job, that I love.

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Entries in robert pattison (1)

Friday
Oct302009

Finally a Pair of underwear worth Sharting for...

If I ever decide to wear underwear, I'm going to wear these.

Seriously swalding vaginas in the face of Robert Pattison can be the new brazilian wax. "Did you see Britney had flashed her Edward last night?"

I'm sure hundreds of virgins will maintain their virginity by wearing these, because there is no way on earth they are going to get laid when they take off their clothes and the guy sees Edward staring back at him. Twilight themed underwear will become the new "unicorn" in the room, as in if you go into someone's room and they have anything "unicorn" themed in it....you can guarantee that they are a heart beat away from stalking the living shit out of you. Run. In case your Mama didn't tell you....you never fuck a unicorn lover, it always ends poorly. 

That said, I'm buying these for every single person I know who read twilight, including my brother.

For more information on how to make your genitals feel ashamed, go to TWITARDED.