I Survived a Japanese Game Show Season 2 episode 5

A Tale of Squid Crossed Lovers....

ISAGJS went off with bang and a bow and chicka bow wow tonight.... One of the very first scenes in the show was Red Robots Jamie and Twatastic Drew in bed together. They are giggling and canoodling. One of the cast members (I think it was Megan) asks them if they have kissed (The minute you are cast in a reality TV show, you become 13 again, true story. This explains the tears, the stupid things people say, and the belief that everyone is their friend despite having met them 7 days ago.) 

Jamie claims that she has not even kissed Twatdizzle. What in the Pretty Woman hell is that all about? You will sleep with someone but kissing is off limits?  I don't get it. Apparently their little romance is making the rest of the Robots (Justin and Dan) uncomfortable. Dan admits that maybe, just maybe he is uncomfortable with them sleeping in the same bed because he is a virgin and a librarian to boot. Can you imagine the level of silence that has to be achieved in order for a librarian to catch a good night's sleep? It had to be a whole new level of torture for the single male Red Robots to listen to their teammates not kiss and dry hump all night. Sick.  And on some level not fair. 

Anyway it's off to majide, the teams are going to compete. There are now 3 Green Tigers and 5 Red Robots, so the red team has to give away a player. Soccer Mom Cathy was like, get me the fuck off this red team. Apparently she didn't think too much of Jamie and Twatasaurus Rex playing hide-the-tip all night so she offered to go to the green team, despite their loosing streak.

Cathy has yet to lose a single game, she started on the green team then was banished to the red team, and now she is back on the green team. The green team rejoices.  Cathy is a stone cold competitor. I'm guessing that she is organized and can cook too. Uber Moms are SOOOO hard core. 

Back to the game. The game is basically kicking soccer balls into a goal while wearing crazy messed up glasses, and old people wigs... And wouldn't you know it the Green Team wins. Jamie under performs  in the soccer challenge, and so does Dan. Neither one scored a goal. Although it seemed as though Dan was only allowed to try once. The big boys on the team never let Dan play, they are such dicks to him. Why? As Green Tiger Linda said "I can't believe they are picking on a librarian."

Now its time for the second game and the Green Team is riding high on their glorious win. The Red Team is pissed...blah blah blah. The second game involves spandex, human strength fly paper, and balls. I'm going to spare you the description. Basically the Green Team wins again. I am starting to think that Cathy might have some sort of deal going on with Jesus. 

The reward is eating special beef and drinking special sake in some sake maker's secret lair. The punishment is harvesting seaweed. I wish they would have shown whether or not the sake drinkers got drunk, but the red team drama was way more interesting. The Robots get to the seaweed harvesting boat, and Drew refuses to go because he has an upset stomach. Now that my friends, is why Drew is back to being called a Twat. He refused his punishment, and stayed on the dock while the others worked. Weak. Maybe he had the shits, and couldn't risk going out to sea, I don't know. 

Now the Robots have to put someone in elimination, and Justin is like like Twatalina and Jamie have too strong of a "bond" and so we are voting to put them in elimination. This angers the lovers, "Drew" even threatens them. He says "You don't want to have to deal with me when I get back".  After that there is talk about dating and third wheels, basically the point was to break up the sexual alliance. After Drew tries to intimidate them into voting for themselves,  he kisses both his biceps, and strokes Jamie's hair (basically). The single male robots are like, we don't care. So the team deadlocks and the green team has to decide who goes into elimination.

I was totally thinking they would pick the two guys....but NO they pick the LOVERS. My children cheer and scream, and say, WE DON'T LIKE THAT BIG GUY HE PICKS ON THE KID. 

Boy oh boy that was a smart move green team. Good for ratings, good for drama, and just plain DEVIOUS. I want to kiss all of you on the mouth.

Just when you think you've seen it all on Majide, they throw in the REAL dead squids. The elimination game is the most disgusting thing I can imagine. Jamie is in tears because she doesn't want to compete and against her boyfriend because "they have a good relationship." Personally,  I would have been in tears because the object of this game is to pull panty hose over your face and rip the heads of squid with your bare mouth. You can always find some new peen, but the memories of squid tentacles in your mouth will last a life time.

Who will win? The bigger, stronger, presumably tougher Twatalicious or his concubine? 

Well wait a minute here, Jamie is a beast. She starts ripping off the heads of squids like she does it for a living. All while wearing what looks like a transparent nylon S&M mask. So weird. Her boyfriend  catches on but its too late. Jamie sends her lover home. Hopefully they exchanged numbers along with bodily fluids.

Anyway tonight's show was really good.  I may not be able to call anyone a twat anymore, I'm starting to like too many of them....

Peace out Drew, you should probably mary Jamie. You will never find someone who can whoop your ass by biting the heads off squid again.

 

I Survived a Japanese Game Show Season 2 episode 3 recap...

Finally The Red Robots Get a Break!!!

So I'm really dedicated to my coverage of ISAJGS, I gave up a night of drinking to watch it last night. 

OK, I'm just kidding, I didn't have a baby sitter, it's the thought that counts right?

So the game starts off: and the Green Monkeys I mean Tigers... are riding high on their millions of victories when they receive "Majide Mail". The letter reveals that the Green Monkeys   Tigers must give up one of their players to the Red Robot team because the teams are now uneven.

The Green team votes to send the soccer mom Cathy over to the Robots. What was their reasoning? They apparently thought she was the weakest player....even more so than Bobaloo, whose size seems to be a weakness. I'm not hating. The guy is real big.  Cathy seems to be the one of the most positive and supportive players but... I'm not there. So who knows? She could be an undercover asshole.

So it's time for game play and the first game is  "Whack a Mole" (I'm not sure that was actually the name). The game is almost too complex to explain. A member from one teams whacks the "moles" on the other team. The "moles" try to spit balls into a hole guarded by a members of the opposite team wielding noodle bats.

In a turn of karmic events Cathy kicks ass at this game and she helps the Red Robots get their first victory and the second game advantage. The Green team regrets their decision to give Cathy away since she handed them their ass whooping.

Over on the Red team the  twin blonde guy twats rejoice, along with their servant Jamie, and the librarian is just happy. Cathy basks in her soccer mom glory. People should know better to mess with a soccer mom, especially one who has her hair cut in a posh spice bob, those bitches will cut a fool..... 

Then a weird annoying voice and dragon cartoon letter pop out of no where "BACK TO BACK GAMES".....

I will refrain again from saying how much it pisses me off that they get to play two games before elimination. ABC if your listening, so not fair....

So the next game is again really too complex to explain. The contestants dress as mice with boxing gloves on. Then one player hangs from the sky, and one puts milk cartons on a giant treadmill. The hanging mouse tells the blind mice wearing boxing gloves  when the milk is coming. The mice catch the milk and then pour it into a giant beaker. The team with the most milk wins.  Both teams seem to do decently.

It appears that green monkey Megan couldn't catch the milk at all, while dread lock Brent catches two at a time...interesting how will this affect the future? The Red Robots and their new  GOOD LUCK charm CATHY, win again. And the Green Monkeys are left to do their first punishment.

The punishment is eating a gross lunch and making a huge "Zen Garden" and the reward is  taking a fast train to a special restaurant. The restaurant is special because monkey's are the waiters and presumably the food is good.

The real monkey waiter's were the cutest little things in their kimonos I want one for Christmas. Well, as long as it doesn't jack all the time like the monkeys at the zoo. Wouldn't it be creepy to see a monkey jacking and wearing a kimono?  That is some Hugh Hefner shit.... back to the show.

During the punishment, Debbie the "stable hand" apparently hates her team, she repeatedly says how annoying Bob is and how none of them know how to use a shovel. WELL GUESS WHAT DEBBIE? Not every one shovels shit for a living, everyone knows that "stable hand" is American for SHIT SHOVELER. OK. Your a pro. No one is going to take that away from you... then she goes on to say that Bob is a fat ass and he sits around on his ass all day...blah blah blah. She makes such a fuss about Bob being fat...I don't get it. I mean she isn't skinny. I am a firm believer that you must wear a size in the single digits if you want to talk shit about others being fat. And home girl isn't even close, so Debbie lay off the fat people.

So its time for the Green Monkeys to send two players into elimination, and finally somebody starts playing the game. The Green Monkeys put Debbie and Brent in the elimination round because they are the strongest players. Smart. Good job Megan, Bobaloo and narcissistic girl. This decision pleased my children beyond all measures, they despise Debbie for saying mean things about Bob, who is their favorite player. 

So elimination game is dressing like a penguin and popping giant eggs full of fake yolk. And Dread Lock Brent kicks Debbie's ass and sends her back to the states and her former shit shoveling life. My seven year old jumps off the couch and cheers.... 

Bye Debbie.... Karma is really a funny thing.