Sham Ka-Pow bow chicka bow...

The guy in the ShamWow commercial is starring in the new Slap Chop commercials. He also likes to hire prostitutes...

I guess he has never watched Pretty Woman, before. If he had he would know that the first rule to being a hooker is to never let the "John" kiss you on the mouth. He paid  a prostitute $1000 to come to his hotel to do sexy times, and he decided to tongue kiss her. She retaliated by biting his tongue, hard. Apparently he had to beat the daylights out of her before she would let the tongue go. Fist-a-cuffs ensued and Bow chicka bow wow they both ended up hand cuffed to a hospital bed.

I always new something was wrong with this guy... I've written about him before. I thought he might do a lot of blow or drink a lot of energy drinks. But I never would have guessed that he was into...tongue raping hookers. I mean you would think that with all of his money from peddling the Slap Chop, and royalty checks from ShamWow that he would be rich enough to bag a decent non-violent gold digger.

To read a complete copy of the police report and see some more disturbing pictures check out this post on The Smoking Gun.

Do hookers really make $1000 a night? I can't believe that with that astronomical price kissing isn't included with the service. Any way, neither one of those cranked up idiots is going to jail because neither party is filing for damages. 

Shamwow!!!

OK, I know that Shamwow has been around for a long time, and so this post should have been posted months ago. However, my blog is only 2 months old, so I get to talk about old stuff if I please. Especially if the old item is as magnificent and revolutionary as Shamwow.

In case you've been living under a rock, Shamwow is a wonder product that is capable of revolutionizing the liquid soaking industry. Not only that it also has the most low budget ghetto informercial of all time.  According to the product description...

"ShamWow washes, dries and polishes any surface. It's like a towel, chamois and sponge all in one! They are made in Germany from a revolutionary fabric that can absorb over 12X it's weight in liquid. Use them to clean up spills fast and they won't scratch any surface."

The weird thing is that Shamwow really works. I've seen one small cloth  soak up an entire Venti ice tea from Starbucks. A spill like that would usually take a whole roll of paper towels or a huge towel. This thing is amazing.

Apparently this product was invented by "German" scientists. Why were they being so stingy with a product that could improve mankind's plight? Can you imagine  if Tampons were made of Shamwow material? Granny Panties could be irradicated, because women wouldn't have to worry about ruining their good "drawers". How about a baby diaper? You could let that kid pee three or four times in their diaper, before ringing it out and reusing it. A kid could go months using the same diaper. 

Basically the only thing wrong with Shamwow is that we haven't found a way to use it to its full potential.  Also I'm guessing that there is also a wonder product behind the Shamwow Peddler's hair. There is no way over the counter hair gel could acheive such a glorious faux hawk.