To Sext Or Not To Sext

Sexting (text messaging sexy messages) is the latest “danger” to face today’s youth. 

You can’t turn on the TV with out hearing about the “dangers” of sexting. They’ve discussed it on The View, and the local news... I had no idea that it was a problem.

Seriously? How lame are teenagers these days? Shouldn’t they be out  having botched attempts at real sex, and experimenting with marijuana like normal adolescents?

And honestly what are these sext messages like:

“Hey Q T my rents is out, want 2 cum over and do it? LOL I mean fuck?”

No apparently the problem is that the teens text naked pictures of themselves to eachother, which is considered “distributing” pornographic materials to minors, and then the minor who recieves the message also becomes a perp when he/she forwards it to their friends. Today's high schools are full of a bunch of dirty teenage porn lords.

Geez that whole teaching abstinence thing is really working out. Instead of having the raging teenage orgies that go hand and hand with sex education. The kids of today are preserving their virginity by running around taking naked pictures of themselves and giving blow jobs, 

I used to live with two Catholic Latinas in college, don’t ask how it happened... one day they just took me in, fed me and I never left. Anyhoo, both of these 20 somethings were “virgins”. Which was fine and dandy, except they didn’t mind taking part in oral activities... I tried to explain to them that oral “sex” is probably bending the rules of catholicism a bit.  (They were so afraid of losing their virginity that they didn’t use tampons, it was the weirdest freaking thing ever...) If we would have had cell phones in the mid 90’s then I’m sure they would have been sexting their brains out... 

Here is the deal though, I have said it ONCE, TWICE, a MILLION times NEVER EVER TEXT A NAKED PICTURE TO SOMEONE. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS  A PRIVATE TEXT. THE OTHER PERSON WILL SHOW SOMEONE, EVEN IF THEY LOVE YOU. IT’S TOO HARD TO KEEP NAKED PICTURES TO ONESELF.

I’m not kidding, I am one of those women who have a  LOT of male friends, I have seen so many ill advised naked pictures of random chicks, that it haunts me. Conversley, I’ve only seen two naked dude texts, and they were both forwarded to me from friends. Apparently, no one wants to sext me directly. This is because, I make no appologies if someone sends me a naked sext, theres a 96% chance that its going to be forwarded to my entire contact list.

If someone would have dirty sexted me in high school I probably would have sent it to the entire school. It's teenagers like I was that ruin sexting for everyone else.

I'm Sorry. Really I am.

Dear Bartender and Staff at unnamed lake bar and grill,

Hi, this is the very drunk blonde in the blue dress from Saturday night. I just wanted to say sorry.

I really have no excuse for what happened. It all started when I decided to drink several bottles of wine. It was OK, because I was out on my parent's houseboat, and had no immediate plans to see the public. Thats when my mother decided it was time to walk the dog to shore to let it crap. Once we got to shore, I saw your restaurant and remembered that you guys have a bidet. There is just something about that hot shot of water up your crack, that I can't get enough of.

But I digress.

When I was done in the bathroom, I walked out, and to my joy you have a full bar. I ran outside to tell my mother the good news, and she had ditched me (apparently my bathroom trip was really long). So I walked back into the bar and ordered a bloody mary. You can tell a lot about a place by ordering a bloody mary. To bad, the assessment doesn't work when you are black eyes drunk. 

Since my mother had left me, I decided to make friends at the bar, and order another drink, and then order a hamburger...and then discuss lesbians with a group full of 60 year old male strangers. It was about this time when I think the manager came over, and to avoid getting kicked out I asked her for a job. 

Apparently she took pity on me because she handed me a job application, which I could only fill out as far as the address. I told her that I really didn't know what to write, and she said, just write that you have serving experience.

So I did. I think. Anyway, I'm really horrified, and feel bad about getting all those old guys horny.

I can only hope that you will let me back in. I understand if you never allow me at the bar again, but please....

please....

Can I still use the bidet?

xoxo

Scarlette

Don't Tell My Heart....

Dog Mullet

I saw pretty much the funniest dog I've ever seen in my life this weekend. I never knew that people really cut their dogs hair like this.  The real question is, is it worse to dress a dog up or give them a "trendy" hair cut? The long flowing tail tip is really what makes this cut stand out from the pack. 

That said , would this haircut look nice on a pug?

His name was Woody and he was in attendance at a wedding I shot this weekend. He's on his way back to Texas now. His absence will make Monday just a little more depressing.

How to become one of "them": Bump-its

When I first saw this commercial I laughed hysterically, because I thought it was a joke. After a little bit I realized that it wasn't, this is a real product. You can visit the website and see for yourself.

Why would you want a product that immediately morphs you into a bitch? Seriously, every total bitch that I have ever met, and possibly got into a fist fight with in my sophomore year of college, has that hair. Hair that defies nature and blurs the line between a pompadoor and Amy Winehouse's crack hive.  

They even feature bitches in the commercial to sell the product; cheerleaders, "models" , women who pick up their football player boyfriends at the dorms while driving their Honda Preludes (the official car of the bitch). 

My favorite part of the commercial is about 0:34 when the random guy walks by the 3 girls by the pool and doesn't look at them at all. Meanwhile, they are staring at him like a delicious yet forbidden "carb". 

 Having said that, Angelina Jolie totally wears bump its:

I rest my case.