Everything is just swine.

Today I saw a man at Walmart wearing a little white paper mask. At first I marveled at his genius. When I shop there I fight the urge to wear a hazmat suit, gloves, an antibiotic drip, and a condom. Then I realized why he was wearing it, there is a mother shucking pandemic going on. Swine Flu, this bizarre illness that is  transferred from Mexican pigs to all of mankind, is potentially at my Walmart. 

In an even more bizarre twist of fate, the experts are now worried about the reputation of pigs. They don't want us to stop eating pork. One news cast was actually commenting that because of the misconceptions about this flu several pigs are in danger. In danger of what? All pigs are in fucking danger, people raise them to slaughter and then eat. And now the experts want us to call to start calling the Swine Flu-H1N1, in order to protect the pigs. 

I've always wondered how bothersome diseases get their names. Now I know. At one point the Skank Flu was going around and some expert decided to call it Chlymidia in order to protect the skanks. The Whore Flu became Syphilis, and so on. They rename the disease so that us lay folk will become confused and have no one to assign blame to. As a species humans love to assign blame. It makes us feel better. If we are all going to become violently ill from some fucked up inner species virus, then don't take away the pleasure of misguided anger. 

Has anyone stopped to consider the possibility that the animals are conspiring against us? First E-Coli, then MAD Cow, after that the Bird Flu, and now the pigs have joined in. 

Just saying... 

The Weirdest F-Ing Performance EVER

OK, please watch this video. I've watched American Idol for 8 years now, and I have seen some performances that were pretty horrible, but they were horrible because the people could not sing. This guy can sing, he is just so damn cheesy. He's been pretty tame up until last night, he's always been sexually ambiguous, but last night he just let his  freak flag fly. We have all know an Adam Lambert in high school, he was the emo drama kid who had a  million "chubby" girls as best friends. 

If you want to see the best parts skip ahead about to the part where Randy Travis stares at Adam in disbelief, and then experience the "performance".  He really hits his stride at about 3:00.

I've never liked his Rosie O'Donell hair, but I respected his singing. During his performance  I ran the whole gamut of emotion from: What the fuck is he wearing? To: omigod this is Ring of Fire? Then: Sick, why is he masturbating with the mic stand? and then finally: what the hell was that mating cry of a feral cat at the end?

It must've reminded Paula of Skat Cat, because she loved his "interpretation". She was the only one, every one else felt like a dirty pervert, after experiencing it. Somewhere out the great beyond Johny Cash is scratching his head saying "Ring of Fire, my ass". 

I'm not going to lie though, I hope Adam stays for a while, because that performance was entertaining as hell.