I watched the family guy last night... 

That show makes me feel so nervous. Like when you feel bad for fist fighting with a friend, you know kind of feeling: guilty but strangely satisfied. 

Anyway, this video is the funniest thing ever. This Bryan Adams song used to be "our" song. The "our" I'm talking about was my freshman in high school boyfriend. Does lameness know any boundaries?

Just saying. 

I'm pretty sure you can click on this to see it bigger. 

Stone washed jeans. Sienna Miller is rocking stonewashed jeans with tight ankles. I will never slither into a pair of those devil pants again.

I vividly remember my first pair. They had zippered ankles and a high waist. Basically these pants were capable of making any body shape have a camel toe and a pancake ass. I was young and stupid. I even wore them to a dance where I danced to Guns-N-Roses newest song, Paradise City. This is one fad that haunts me. Normally I dance to the beat of my own fashion drum. Junior High was the one exception. I actually remember being pissed that my Mom wouldn't let me wear spandex to school. I am so ashamed.

Note to self: Thank Mom for being strict, uncool, and unreasonable.

I really pray that this fad never takes flight. The mere site of stonewashed sends me to a place of small boobs, strict parents, and rejection.

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."   

    - - Jack Kerouac, On the Road

    Like all of us, Miss Quille deserves a day off – especially a Friday in Sandpoint now that the lakes of North Idaho are almost warm enough to not quite jump into yet….atleast not sober.

    My nomination for surrogate smoke break is the late, great American writer Jack Kerouac.

    He’s been on my mind a lot lately since I too was blissfully de-corporatized a few months back.

    What would Jack do faced with the uncertainty of no pending paycheck?

Other then some short stints working as a railroad man and fire lookout tower

desperado, Jack wasn’t much for the 9 to 5 grind. He mostly read, wrote and drank so

when the girlfriend scolded me the other day about doing nothing for the entire month of May but reading, writing and drinking, I took it as a compliment. She was not amused.

    I like this girl so she was either going to have to come to grips with my lifelong fascination with Kerouac or I was going to have to somehow get Kerouac added to Oprah’s Book Club. Anyone who has ever read his semi-autobiographical novels like On the Road, Dharma Bums, Desolation Angels, Big Sur, etc knows that Kerouac and Winfrey don’t run in the same circles….not in this life or the next!

    Drastic measures were called for. I made her use up two sick days and flew us to San Francisco for a four day weekend crash course in all things Kerouac. We browsed City Lites Bookstore, ate cheap in Chinatown, napped on the grass of Washington Square, made love in the cute, little San Remo Hotel, enjoyed coffee and croissants at the smallest cafes’ we could find and yes, pub crawled through North Beach meeting an array of bizarre characters which could rival the best the 219 Lounge could muster on even its nuttiest night.

     We’ve been back for a few days now. I still read, write and drink although some days I switch it up and drink, write and read. As for the girlfriend, she spilled her purse in the grocery store yesterday….a Jack Kerouac paperback spilled out too.

     Thanks Jack! Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.  

Listen up as my reader weighs in on the Susan Boyle phenomena...

So I don't get it. 

I am so sick of the Susan Boyle phenomena.  I am not even sure I get the whole thing.  I mean sure she is talented.  I definitely agree she has talent.  When the youtube video was first sent to me (one of the 5 forwards of it I got).  I thought to myself.  Yes this lady has talent.   She was overlooked for her mono brow and meek attitude, but good for her.  I really never gave it much more thought.   I really don't understand who is buying up show tune albums these days. Who are you buyers of albums that have songs like "I dreamed a dream" and the like?   Also, although the song was never a favorite of mine, I now hate the song, I have heard it so much.   It is still stuck in my head.  Apparently Susan Boyle had a hard time coping with the fame (and probably losing).  I personally found the coverage of her repulsive.  I mean give it a rest.    She waxed the brow - get over it.  But seriously, she is now hospitalized for emotional distress and fatigue, next she will go to rehab.  Maybe she should fly across the pond - she sounds like she would fit in perfectly in Hollywood. 

~Eugene, Oregon SOS (sick of susan)

Dear SOS,

I don't know what the fascination with her is all about. I'm pretty sure the reason that she didn't have any record deals is because she had a mustache. I never considered the fact that she sings show tunes.

You bring up an interesting point. 

Susan makes for interesting tv. in the context of a competition. But I don't see the same people who pass her forward around running out to buy her record.

I think her popularity is due to the fact that she is the first cat lady to make it big...

I'm a dick.

~SQ

I was so bummed when Rock of Love Bus ended and I thought I would never get to see those ho's again. In reality none of us should ever have to see them again. Thanks to VH1 though,  obnoxious skanks can't make a decent living by just being themselves. A new season of Charm School has begun.

God bless America.

They've got all the best from Rock of Love Bus, even the girl who let another girl take a shot out of her chocha is part of the cast. The new head mistress is Ricky Lake, which sucks because lets face it, she's no Sharon Osborne. Ricky Lake will try to turn these women into upstanding citizens, or what ever.

Girl has her work cut out. In the first episode there was a fight, a passed out drunk, about 900 profanity bleeps...Thanks for saving my monday night VH1.

Anyway, I need to find a good 12 step program for weaning myself off the VH1 reality shows. I am ashamed of this habit. I knew that I had a problem when I suffered an anxiety attack during this last season of I Love Money. I just can't stop.

Watch this video carefully it is what happens when one asks for extra jalapenos on their five dollar foot longs.  This performance and his new pube stache  was Danny Gokey's idea of rock and roll. He should be ashamed of himself, what the hell did Steven Tyler do to him?

That scream at the end will secure him a spot on American Idol's worse performances EVER list, I'm guessing in the top 5.

My Mother who loves Aerosmith was so offended last night. It took hours to talk her down.  First there was the slaying of Dream On, and then  the added insult of the 4th judge who said that "Crazy" was from Aerosmith's early years. Thank God for Slash being on the show, otherwise I feel she would have committed an act of violence.

Anyway, I wish Danny Gokey would go home tonight, but I have a feeling he will stay. Remember when David Archuleta forgot the words and still made it to the finals?

My bet is that Kris will go home. 

Julia Roberts is loosing her damn mind. First she gets drunk and cusses Tom Hanks out, and now she is sporting a tramp stamp.  This tramp stamp is not just your garden variety butterfly or tribal symbol, this is a tramp stamp consisting of her children's names and a random illustration.

Shouldn't that be illegal or something? Its weird enough to have your 40 something mother decide to tattoo your name on her body any way, but in the form of a tramp stamp? 

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea that Julia is taking time out of her busy schedule of being boring, and engaging in a full scale mid-life crisis. And lets be honest, I have gotten drunk and cussed out Tom Hanks a time or two, so who am I to judge?

The tramp stamp though, I missed out on that trend. By the time it gained popularity I already had two tattoos. I've always equated the lower back tat with sorority girls and people who made a big mistake.

I sound like a bitch today. Seriously, who picks on Julia Roberts?

Sorry. 

Anyway, I am guessing that Julia Roberts is probably high on a combination of painkillers and some kind of antidepressant.  She will do an interview with Oprah in the next year or two when she comes out of secret rehab...she'll say that she started taking the antidepressants to get over postpartum depression. She started taking the painkillers because her "back" hurt so bad after being pregnant with twins. Its a tale as old as time. 

For now though, lets celebrate the elegance that is her tramp stamp.

I woke up with a crushing hang over yesterday. To make a bad morning worse I got the sad news that one of my most favorite actress/comediennes died peacefully in her sleep. I would have tipped a few back in her honor, but quite frankly I believe that I was still drunk when I read it.

 First Estelle Getty now Bea. This only leaves 2 out of the 4 Golden Girls.  I really loved that show. One reason was that it was on Friday's so I could stay up late enough to watch it. I would usually be baby sitting. My goal was to get the kids to bed before Golden Girls. That way I could eat their parent's food and enjoy my show  in peace. When you think about it I was really ahead of my time for an 11 year old.

I always liked Bea's Character Dorothy. Dorothy always felt like a kindred spirit to me.  She had to put up with her mother, an idiot, and a hoochie. And she always had the best one-liners. 

Any how, I know this is sad news for a Monday morning. But lets be honest here Monday is the saddest day of the week, because you have 4 more days of work left. I suggest watching Golden Girls clips on Youtube as a way to make the day go by faster and an act of solidarity.

RIP Bea!